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I have started corresponding with a porn star.
That he resembles my ex is both a bonus and a slightly disturbing coincidence.
The resemblance isn’t so uncanny that I would think my ex had changed professions, but it is close enough to raise the eyebrows of a few friends. Words like “not healthy” and “issues” have been spoken a few times, I admit. The general consensus is that I’m supposed to be getting over my guy, not finding a stand-in for him, mentally or otherwise.
My friends know me too well. But considering my new porn friend lives in a different country most of the time, the likelihood of my swapping the leading man in my sex life from The Guy in That Band You Know to The Guy in That Porn You Downloaded is slim. I’ve seen Hostel; I know how these things work.
Still, I have to admit I’d consider it were it more a possibility. Hooking up with my new porn friend would be just raunchy enough to be appealing, especially so considering the type of porn he stars in. What can I say? I like it dark.
I suppose it was just a matter of time before I aligned with a porn star. All things considered it isn’t that much different from knowing the rock stars I do – the only distinction being at least I know what I get with the porn star. There’s no disguising the sexual interest under vague song lyrics or show critiques.
Because really, the last thing I want right now is a lot of conversation or fumbling for the right moves. Sex is not something I take lightly: if I’m going to have it at all, it must be with the best.
This zero tolerance policy for the average is almost unfortunate as it leaves me with few options. I rather wish I hadn’t burned so many of my bridges (or lost so many partners to marriage) because the bridges that remain in my life are shaky at best.
The Guy in That Band You Know continues to intrigue me – he certainly knows how to deliver exactly what I like – the downside is that his intelligence and consideration tend to get in both our ways. Perhaps if we liked and respected each other less, we’d have an easier time being solely symbiotic.
That’s not to say I’m interested in being with someone I dislike (or, shudder, who is less intelligent), but a general lack of attachment might better serve the situation I’m looking for. It’s why my porn friend makes such an appealing fantasy. He serves as a sexual doppelganger of sorts: the darker counterpart of an otherwise healthy sexual relationship.
That he resembles my ex is both a bonus and a slightly disturbing coincidence.