Juliette Miranda

(This is by no means a new piece, but I was reminded of it recently and thought it might make an interesting contrast to the dark side I’ve been enjoying lately. Fair warning sensitive readers: it’s explicit.)

I.

In a melting sea of crashing, rhythmic waves, red and yellow hues from a setting sun, and thick salty air of both sweat and heat, sensations of a deeper soul coursed through my bones. The two of us entangled, entranced in a torrid connection. I let go of myself and found a new plane of pleasure.

The way your eyes moved over me to meet and bond with mine, the spark of uncontrollable excitement the instant before you first kissed me, the lush appeal of your body pressed into mine: dear Katie, these are the things I remember most.

It seems as though you’re everywhere around me. I feel you lifting my hair off my shoulders to whisper, to touch to kiss. I hear you sparkling with delight when I touch you in a way I’ve never touched anyone. Dear Katie, sometimes I think I can even still taste you.

I instantly liked you. When you sat down next to me, I knew. From the soft flow of your voice as we talked to the way you smiled at me, glimmering as though you’d never been so happy. Your company made such wild emotion dance inside of me. So when you placed your hand on mine, asking me to come walk with you, there really wasn’t any question of what would come next.

Walking along the beach with you, I was conscious of so much: the way you tilted your head toward me when you spoke, the movement of your hips as you walked. I longed so much to get closer to you, to a level of closeness that I had only imagined.

How did you know, Katie, that I needed such closeness? When we talked, could you see it in my eyes?   When we touched, could you feel it in my heart?

I was shy at first, I know: such things I had only imagined. Never in my life had I felt the way I did when you turned toward me, placing your hands on my shoulders, and leaning in to kiss my lips. Kissing you was sweet and comfortable -your lips were so soft- but electrifying as well. As you traced the outline of my lips with your tongue, I experienced such deep pangs of excitement I couldn’t help but quiver. Dear Katie, could you feel my trembling?

I was so uncertain of what to do, but as you slid your hands over my body, I found that my responses came naturally. Your caresses awakened an instinct inside of me that I knew I had, but until that moment, never knew how to express. It felt so right for me to slide my hands through your hair and over your shoulders, to lean in to you and experience the wild luxury of your breasts pressing into mine. Embracing, touching, kissing… pulling each other down onto the sand for more: I knew I had found what I had been missing.

Your touch was gentle, yet determined: skimming your fingers over my face and to my breasts, you found my nipples erect and waiting to be kissed. Smiling, you leaned in to nibble and lick at my breasts, and as you made your way down my tummy and between my legs, your hair whisped over my skin. Dear Katie, I miss the feel of your hair on my thighs.

It wasn’t only the movements of your tongue or the pulsing of your fingers that made me come; it was also the rhythm of our bodies grinding into the sand, the mingling of our scents in the air, the thought that I would get to pleasure you next.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of you as I explored your body with my hands, my mouth.Seeing you bite your lips as my touch excited you, watching your eyes glow as you reached your peak: no beauty is so supple and natural as it is when a woman is climaxing.

We didn’t stop for a long time after. Your body and mine merged to a new level of becoming, and you knew, didn’t you Katie, that was what I always wanted. It was much more than the sex that brought us together, it was something much more basic and inherent that went on between us. Dear Katie, how can I ever thank you?

I have trouble knowing what you are anymore. Did you ever really exist? Or are you simply a figure that dances through my mind and soul as a way to awaken a love I am unable to understand? Such feelings I have, such burning desires that keep me awake, that course though me, that offer a level of closeness and love that I crave. Dear Katie, whether you were real, or simply a part of my trying to be fulfilled dreams, please. Come to me.

II.

It was one of those nights. I was ready before I heard your knock on my door, ready before your hands were in my hair, ready before my panties were a tangle between my ankles.

Those memories of you consume me with tangible imagery, making it difficult to know where my fantasies end and reality begins. Your touch on my skin, quickening my heart, pleasuring my soul, felt like nothing I’ve ever known. This desire, more real and deep than most, keeps surfacing in my thoughts. It flashes in my eyes, sparks in my smile; dear Katie, this unresolved passion I feel can only be fulfilled by you.

We were so good together: a brilliant combination of light and heat that would explode in a torrid display of passion. Our two bodies pressed together in the heat of the moment could make the room quake; our eyes locked as our fingers played could make all boundaries disappear. Dear Katie, when we were together, nothing ever mattered except us.

I’ll never be sure exactly what it was that bonded us so perfectly, or how we could know what the other needed so urgently. Amidst the tangle of legs, clothing, and hair, I almost forgot when you began and I ended. Oh Katie, how I miss that closeness.

No matter how many times I’ll feel your fingers slide through my hair, or your lips press against my shoulder, chills will always race through me. Instinctively, you always knew what would make me quiver. Your fingers would dance over my body in that teasing, delightful way, hinting at the magic that would follow.

One by one, you’d pull the buttons of my blouse undone, exposing the breasts I was so eager to have you kiss. Katie, how I loved the way you pulled me to you, gently rubbing your nipples against mine. It was so sensual, the warmth of your skin and the sultry depth of your voice as you asked me to kiss you. Your lips tasted so sweet, that is wasn’t long before my kissing moved down the expanse of your body. Spreading your legs, I let my mouth explore you. I indulged myself in your wetness, feeling the silkiness of your skin under my lips, the anxious pressure of your hands in my hair. Katie, you’re so luscious.

I never could get enough with you. Over and over your fingers, mouth, tongue would work over me, lighting me up with colorful, intense rays of pleasure. “I can keep going,” you’d say, “can you?” One of those crazy smiles would spread over your face and we’d know that anything was possible.

If only I could see you, have you touch me that way again. Being with you, feeling your presence wash over my body gave me a new lust for life and for pleasure. Katie, you filled me with something I knew I always wanted. Now, having shared such wild and intense experiences with you, I want more. It isn’t enough for me to have these memories of you, to know that the kind of love I crave exists in a world I am unable to find. Through you Katie, my unrelenting fantasies and desires were answered with carnal abandon. Through you Katie, I discovered a deeper sensuality. Through you Katie, I found myself.

Dear Katie, from wherever you are, whatever life you are living, please. Come to me.

III.

I heard your voice the other day. That soft, sultry timbre seems to find me in all my wanderings, from the stores I visit, the parks, even in my home. Always I turn, searching for the source, and I never find you. I’ll see your reflection in all that I do, a constant reminder that in this lifetime I once had exactly what I needed and wanted. Dear Katie, if I only allow myself one regret, it will be that I didn’t realize that sooner.

I try so hard to keep my feelings in check, to only miss you in the simplest of ways. But my life moves along this course you started, and I don’t know how to continue. I haven’t been able to kiss anyone since you left. I loved kissing you, Katie! Feeling your plush lips brush over mine made my heart ache, my skin ignite. I can’t help but feel that all my emotion, passion, and longing for you is only a kiss away. Katie, when I’m with someone else, all I see is you.

Even now, after so many years apart, this image of you never fades. Your hands still brush over my shoulders when my back is turned, at night your breath grazes my neck, and when I try so hard to distance myself from your memory, you still glimmer in front of me, as though I’ll never be free of you. I fear that this reckless passion you infused me with will never fade until I’m able to once again wrap my arms around you and share the same air in pleasure. Can our worlds collide again? Can I bring to you the same brilliant love as you did to me? Oh Katie, please give me that chance.

Allow me to prove to you that I am strong enough to be with you. This time Katie, I can take control. Let me pull your hair, dig my nails into the back of your knees. Your legs I’ll push open, to drop small pearls of oil on your thighs. Let it trickle down, pool in your inner lips, moisten the very places I plan to worship so long you won’t know whether to cry or to come. Such things I want to do to you Katie, such things that I dream about, long for, and want so much to share with you.

Do you hear my promise? My word to you that I can give you what I wasn’t able to give before? In offering you this promise, know that I must also let you go. I cannot be strong, and still be haunted by you. It’s time for me to follow this road you lead me to. I’ve learned so much through you, grown so much stronger in learning to understand the love that I experienced with you.

Katie, know that for everything you gave me, for everything I go through now: I love you. Know that in moving on, finding a new life, I will still love you. If you do not still love me, then please at least accept my words here as an apology, as a way to make amends. But if my words reach you, spark that inner fire you once felt when fixed in my gaze, then please Katie… Come to me.